I thought and then re-thought what to write although there was an urge which was calling me to write! as if I was stuck somewhere in the middle of something I don’t even know. Mind struggling with thoughts, with memories which I doubt I will ever be able to overcome. I read artifacts, discussed with people made
every possible way of knowing myself, what resides in me! It is necessary to know yourself before you bid a good bye to this world and every time I think I was closer to knowing my self I was proved wrong. My life added unanswered questions be it in the existence of god or in the existence of myself. May be I started observing this world way before I should have, but call it a destiny or my innersole I started taking my life more seriously, delved into the thoughts more precisely when
the people of my age were freaking out, having fun in their life, n me busy with the analysis of whatever is happening to/in my life, smaller or bigger but I took everything minutely, so that may be at a point of time I will know myself better.
Uproar in my mind, what seems right often goes wrong, the sacrifices, the love people have given seems to be feigned at a point. May be I was too young to differentiate between the truth n lie, dissemblance often surrounded me. However, hard i tried to be optimistic at the later part of life the expectations shattered away.
Sometimes I do think its not the story about me but with most of us some trying to find their loved ones, some battling for a good job, some for the tranquility at their door step. Most of us probably have never found time thinking about themselves, what makes them, what makes them different from others, why they are so? when rest of the janta are unlike them? May be we are so busy to find the outer truth that the inner truth is left obscure. Let’s take an example why we fight with others or have grudges? Why can’t we all live united? What stops us? Ego you may say or may be the other person have defected enough so you retaliate. Ever since we were born we have been told “Tit For Tat” or may be in a highly moral families, or the followers of gandhitva “Tit For 2 Tats”. But it never created peace, friends, harmony. We always find it hard to maintain our own individuality, our ingenious, the distinct quality we posses. Rather we want to be someone like our neighbors, forgetting about the sheer existence of me. Now tell me where is your Ego(me in me) went? Strange we never question this when it comes to forgiving the person or making a friend out of an enemy or may be we love foes instead a friend. If ego is all about yourself then where does you lie when you take revenge. There is nothing good or bad in this world the absence of good makes bad.